You’re Not Stuck… You’re Choosing to Stay There

“The stuck cycle isn’t confusion, it’s a pattern of inaction.”

Are You Actually Stuck?

Are You Stuck As F***? I was too until I learned this…

It’s that time again, the 15th of the month and that means, your favorite personal development newsletter jam packed with some practical tips is coming at ya.

I’ve found a lot of conversations I’ve been having as of lately has been around the topic of “stuckness” and I know how difficult this can be for so many people.

What Being Stuck Really Feels Like

Truth is I was once stuck in a pretty difficult position myself, multiple times.

Each time whether it was leaving the relationship I got cheated on in, or transitioning careers, there was always a constant factor that eluded me.

I would continue to wonder why am I so stuck here?

Why do I continue to stay in this (insert thing here) despite knowing I don’t want to be here anymore?

In fact, why is it that I still can’t figure out what my next step is?

Cue the anxiety and frustration that would then come my way like an avalanche.

You see the common thread I found in the depths of feeling stuck was that there is a level of victimhood I was living in.

The Cycle That Keeps You Stuck

The stuck cycle can have a few different variations, however after 15 years of experience and thousands of conversations I’ve found it to look a lot like this:

A circumstance/situation happens… (usually negative)

An awareness occurs…. (usually an uncomfortable truth we don’t want to face)

A feeling is inspired… (usually negative)

A decision is NOT made… (we perpetuate the cycle of inaction)

A cycle of helplessness begins… (the “why” questions are asked over and over)

We perpetuate suffering… (we focus on everything that sucks over and over)

We do nothing… (cripple ourselves with analysis paralysis searching for pointless answers)

The weight gets heavier… (the stress and heavy emotions tire us out)

The awareness gets louder… (we avoid the truth at all costs, it’s too painful to bear)

A feeling of permanence sets in… (our problem is no longer a moment in time, but a lingering reality we are living in)

I’ve come to find this tends to be the cycle that most people go through when they get stuck.

The Shift That Changes Everything

The shift that came for me was when I decided to take responsibility for my life and create an upward spiral.

That also has an average look, again I’ve seen this too and it looks like this:

A circumstance/situation happens… (We challenge what it means to us and how it fits into our life story, we question what we can gain from this experience)

An awareness occurs…. (that we are responsible for our outcomes in life, and this is based on our decisions and actions)

A feeling is inspired… (a hopefulness of what can be created)

A decision is made… (we choose a direction and commit to the action to get us there)

A cycle of empowerment begins… (we ask “what” questions which is a series of questions challenging us to take a new action)

We perpetuate positivity… (we redefine each circumstance, action compounds, and energy builds towards our desired outcomes)

We begin to see results… (life starts shifting dramatically and small results show, such as less emotional intensity, more energy, better routines/habits form, a sense of freedom takes hold)

The weight gets lighter… (an object in motion stays in motion, we are running off momentum now, things feel easier)

The awareness gets louder… (we have more focus on our intentional day to day habits and realize we have complete control to shift our situation for the better)

A feeling of permanence sets in… (a knowing that life will never be the same, in the best way possible because we are in control now)

The Truth About Victimhood

Ultimately you get to choose how you want to live your life.

I’ve seen some people choose the cycle of victim hood over and over, for some victimhood is a sense of control.

Some people have lived as victims so long that they have no idea who they would be, or what life would be like without being a victim.

The fear of what they would need to do to shift and change their life cripples them, and so disempowerment becomes their sense of stability, control and empowerment, yet it is a false reality.

Courage or Comfort

The truth is life will always be scary, whether you’re a victim of circumstance, or a conscious creator of reality, the question is, will you choose courage or cowardice?

Courage isn’t the absence of fear, rather it’s acting despite fear and hardship.

Be courageous, take life into your own hands, and make it your own, because no one is coming to save you.

The Choice Is Yours

I’ve decided to keep this one short and sweet.

People always ask me what the secret is to getting unstuck, and I usually tell them there really isn’t one.

It comes down to the willingness and desire to not be stuck, to choose a harder path that will lead to a fulfilling future.

Or choose the easier path that will lead to suffering in your future.

Kind of like a matrix reference, do you want the red pill or the blue pill?

The average person will suffer for most of their life, the above average high performer will take what life gives to them, grit their teeth and ask if “that’s the best you got.”

Closing Thoughts

So the real question is - who do you want to be?

What kind of life do you want to live?

And will you be bold enough to reach out with everything you got to take it!?