Emotional Intelligence: Why Your Feelings Are Not Facts

“Feelings AREN’T facts. They’re just indicators.”

Let’s talk about Emotional Intelligence:

Developing Emotional Intelligence (EI) isn’t as easy as society would like you to think. It also isn’t the process of over validating your mostly irrational emotions (That’s right I’m about to hold you accountable).

First, let’s drive home this point. Feelings AREN’T facts. They’re just indicators, and it’s your job to put on your detective hat and find out what they are indicating.

If you simply become reactive every time you’re emotional and feel the need to “emote” your feelings you’re doing yourself a disservice and continuing a cycle of living without awareness.

Shifting From Certainty to Curiosity

But there’s hope.

Trade in your certainty for curiosity and begin shifting your perspective. Whenever you’re experiencing an emotion, there is an entire process that has already been set in motion, typically without our awareness. Your emotion is brought about by your understanding of the universe around you.

For instance, we have a belief system, perspective, and rationale of “If X Happens it means Y, Y means I need to Respond with Z.”

This is the subconscious process behind your emotional responses.

Questions That Build Emotional Awareness

Being able to step into your higher EI is the ability to ask:

“Well, why does Y need to mean what I believe it to mean?”

“In fact, why do I even believe that in the first place?”

“Is it always true?”

“Is there something else it could mean?”

“How would I like to respond to this situation?”

“What’s the outcome I’d like to have here?”

I just loaded you up with a few good questions. However, I’m sure most of the time you’re not asking them, which is what causes the emotional patterns we struggle with daily.

A Personal Lesson in Emotional Intelligence

I’ve had to learn this through my training as a life coach (I got certified under Tony Robbins and I learned more in this training than 6 years of college).

It began to help me be aware of my mindless reactionary responses in life.

I was fighting with my girlfriend somewhat frequently at the start of our relationship. One time I just kind of burst because she asked if we could sell some furniture in our apartment. She said she didn’t like it, and I was feeling all sorts of hurt and anger.

She had no clue why, and truth be told neither did I.

However when I finally had the chance to sit with myself and dig deep I got really sad, and a few tears came to the surface.

It turns out I was feeling like my life wasn’t where I wanted it to be.

At 29 years old embarking on the entrepreneur journey, struggling financially, not being able to crack my business code, still no house, no marriage, no traveling the world, no nothing of what I imagined.

I realized I was holding onto that furniture because it’s all I had to show for my years of effort in life, and I felt like I was so unaccomplished that I wanted to hold onto anything that I was able to acquire for myself.

Pretty sad huh?

This is the power of following the trail and finding what the emotion is truly indicating.

Looking Beneath the Surface

Remember things aren’t how they seem. They very rarely are.

So don’t act on a surface level taking your emotions at face value. Challenge yourself to grow your EI.

The silver lining of my diving deep into that situation is it created a new perspective for me, and we never fought again about the house furniture.

I’m also proud to say she has since then sold multiple pieces of my furniture and I said goodbye to it with a smile on my face.

Living With Intention

You see, EI is the guide to many different areas of our life.

It is not just about emotional intelligence, but it's about how you show up intentionally. It grows your self awareness and begins to challenge you to live a life you want, having the experiences and outcomes you desire most.

The happiest people aren’t the ones with all the money in the world. They are those who are living with intention.

Actionable Takeaways for Developing EI

Here are a few key actionable takeaways to check out in your journey of EI development.

Question everything you think you know. Trade in your certainty about a situation and allow for the curiosity of a new meaning.

Challenge yourself to be proactive instead of reactive. Don’t allow your emotions to hold you. Instead think of what is your desirable outcome for this situation.

Lastly, respond to life based on the kind of life you want to live. Don’t respond based on your experiences. Respond based on the possibilities of what life has to offer you instead.

Final Thoughts

I hope these help you on your journey of EI and most importantly I hope this gives you the high quality lifestyle that so many elite performers are currently living.

The only difference between you right now, and living your best life, are your choices of how you show and respond to life and others daily.

Also if you really want to dive deeper into this stuff, here is a cool article I found on Harvard Business School. Check it out!

Always in your corner!