Intimacy: Letting People Truly See You

Most loneliness isn’t from being alone — it’s from being unseen.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to connect with someone who truly understands you in the depths of your soul?

Are you tired of people who just crave physical touch, misunderstanding that true intimacy goes into a much deeper level?

I’ve learned that intimacy can also be broken down to into-me-see, which challenges that to truly have intimacy isn’t as simple as a touch, but rather a connection with that person that you are truly embracing.

I wasn’t always capable of intimacy, as someone who was bullied and outcasted, I often felt that sharing myself was a sort of forbidden fruit.

Why would I give people the opportunity to hurt me… like they always did.

Playing this narrative that I can’t share myself, lest I leave my heart open for the next knife to come my way.

Fear Disguised as Personality

However, I was also incapable of having deep connections, covering it up with the facade that “it’s just how I am 'cause I’m a guy” which was a true bullsh*t answer.

The real truth is, I was scared.

I didn’t want to keep getting hurt by people.

So I thought if I could block out the ability of others to look inside me, I would somehow be better off.

In truth, the only thing I did was stop myself from building deep connections with friends, romantic interests, and even my own family.

As I continued to keep closed off and pushed away some of the women I cared about, and the people I wanted to stay friends with, I realized the thing I was afraid of was happening regardless of if I shared or not.

Either way, people were leaving, the thing that sucked here however, is that I was never able to express that I didn’t want them to.

What Real Intimacy Actually Looks Like

As I met more people in my journey of life I realized the people that had true depth in their friendships, and relationships and seemed to experience real joy, love, and happiness were those that had higher levels of intimacy with those around them.

They shared secrets, embarrassing stories, things that made them upset, things that made them excited, and everything in between.

I began to think, could it be I’ve been wrong, that true friendships, lovers, and family bonds I wanted have actually been on the other side of the depth I was afraid to explore?

Perhaps an open heart created more opportunity than a closed mouth ever could?

This was the moment I decided I would lead with vulnerability, and I received my fair share of hurt, but I’ve also formed the greatest and most fulfilling relationships I never thought I could ever experience in this life.

Intimacy can be scary, it takes a lot of trust, and willingness to potentially be hurt by those you care about, however, it’s so worth it.

If you have someone in your life that you truly wish to keep around and more importantly want to build a life worth living with, give it a try and start to open up.

Start to share, be intimate, and let them see into your soul, let them embrace you.

I promise that even if you get hurt by someone who wasn’t right for you, when the right people come along, you’ll never regret the depth of the bond that you will build with them.

This February let’s not just express our intimacy through passionate, romantic physical acts (I mean hey go for it too, you probably won’t regret that either) but instead let’s truly be intimate and connect with each other through conversation, connection, and heart.

Signs You May Be Lacking Intimacy

Let’s jump into some ways to know if you’re lacking intimacy in your life, for starters:

The first issues you’re likely to encounter stemming from lack of intimacy in your relationships are communication problems.

Without good communication, all relationships struggle because negative feelings are not addressed.

Lack of intimacy breeds emotional isolation and can cause a sense of deep loneliness that creates gaps between partners.

It can also lead to a loss of confidence in one's ability to develop and maintain emotionally connected relationships.

Where physical intimacy is lacking, this can cause self-esteem problems.

If your partner shows no interest in you physically, you might feel like they’re not attracted to you anymore, and this can cause you to question yourself.

Studies have shown that a lack of intimacy can give rise to feelings of neglect, loneliness, and emotional disconnection.

How To Start Building Intimacy

So how do you begin to build intimacy?

1. Work on your communication skills

Work on your communication skills, and begin practicing opening up to the people that you feel you can trust with the depths of yourself.

2. Spend physical time together

Physical time, spending actual time with people can begin to deepen and develop the bonds between you, so do activities together, and maybe get some of that physical touch we mentioned before.

3. Counseling/coaching

Counseling/coaching - It can be massively helpful to find someone you can confide in that would be a very safe space for you to begin learning how to express yourself properly without fear of judgment or rejection.

A coach/therapist is always supposed to hold a non-judgmental attitude toward you and help guide you as you explore your inner self.

4. Join a community

Join a community - Surround yourself with like-minded people and begin sharing parts of who you are with people who are in a similar place as you, with similar interests and like-minded thoughts.

This can help foster the process of opening up.

5. Find peace

Find peace - Oftentimes people struggle with intimacy due to pains and problems of the past, and a fear of experiencing them again.

Come to a place of peace, through acceptance and foster a willingness to be open and exploratory of the world again.

Closing Thought

If you follow these practices, intimacy, connection, and depth are yours for the taking within all of your relationships.

Make sure to go do something today to start creating a more intimate life!

Always rooting for your success...